Following my complaint about Woolworth’s Liquorice Snails that weren’t (see Mollusc World 10) they finally responded with a computer generated apology (sadly not in rhyme) and a money voucher. I was disappointed that they had not replied with a poem. However a friend of mine suggested one that they might have sent.
“Dear Customer,
We regret you are unhappy
With your sale
A bag of snails without a head
Without a tail
To you a promise we must keep
You see the snails, they are asleep
A tiny snore you should hear
If you sing they will appear
But we have found they have
Some trouble appearing
As it seems this type of snail
Is hard of hearing
We hope you are not too tense
We are sorry, therefore and hence
Here’s a cheque to cheer you up
For a pound and fifty pence.”
Jeanette de Lacey-Mann 2005